Friend Flirt

Just hung out with an amazing new lady-friend, which is a big deal for a homebody like myself.  I declined to tell her about my thoughts on the "friend flirt", which in my (derranged) mind is how one goes about trying to make a new girlfriend, (for platonic hanging out, like friends...jesus christ).  So naturally I will blog about it.

Here is an example of how I tried to friend flirt recently:

"Cool girl" at local coffee shop: "Aw, I like your shirt" [I was wearing a shirt with a giant cartoon cat on it - for reference click here]
Me: Thank you! 
Cool Girl: [polite smile and hands me my change]
Me: I got it because it looks like my cat.
Cool Girl: [polite smile]
Me: His name is Stevie.
Cool Girl: [silence]

Now, it might shock some of you who are reading, (i.e., my mom), to know that I have trouble making friends.  On the outside, I look like an (occasionally)nice, (somewhat)normal, (mildly)respectable lady.

But on the inside, in my soul, it's all:

On Regrets

Random thought of the day: I really wish that I had punched the guy who once told me, during my freshman year of college, that "my face," (read: MY FACE!!), reminded him of a Picasso painting.

Now before you start thinking that this was just your typical bullshitt-y artsy-fartsy pick-up line, please observe the image that immediately flashed in my brain the second he said this:

It should also be noted that the guy who uttered this bit of brilliance had shaved what little hair remained on his head into polka dots.  And then, literally, (please note the correct usage of this word), spray-painted, (read: SPRAY PAINTED!!!) it yellowy-orange:

 [Alternative title for this post: "I'm back bitches"]